Moving to the Country.... Oh what fun it has been

So Eric & I got married so we decided to move 45 mins north of our home town. Our home was beautiful and lots of room for the kids to run ... We moved here in Oct 2007 it was a big change for us since both of us grow up in the city. It took awhile to get use to the country side of things but, after a few month's we were doing very good.  At the time I started working part time at the school so I could be with the boys half the time they were at school. This worked out very good because Eric worked second shift so he could be here with Evan in the morning. We have had lots of fun being here this is the first home I've ever had since I moved at least once a year my whole life. The nights out here were so beautiful and you can look out my windows to see nothing but the blue sky and stars at night. We don't have neighbors so we are pretty much left to ourselves. We had lots of cook outs in the summer so we could see the family we wanted to see. It's a moment in life I will never forget and yet we are finally moving into our first home in two weeks back in the city. The time has come and we are ready to face what we once left behind! We found a great house with 1.2 of yard fenced in for the kids. Since we moved out here the have been lots of good times but, a long with that they has also been some very scary moments.... 1. Evan's near death (more on that later) 2. I became very sick with high BP 3. Taking care of my mom (long Story)... So now it's time to close the book on this chapter and look forward to what god has for us moving forward.

The Meeting of My own Heart

OK! So when I left off it was going over the past and moving forward to the right direction. I was a single mother with two boys when the love of my life walked in my life. It was May 2004 when my life would forever be change by meeting my wonderful husband Eric. I have to say it wasn't what I wanted at the time being with any one else was off the table but, god had another plan for me. Eric fall in love with me and the boys from the word go and so did we but I was keeping my heart very closed at the time. It's not like I had a whole lot of control over this situation my heart took over but for once it was right oh sooo right.. He was everything I always wanted but, never thought I would fine in one person. Eric didn't have any children never really had that first love. Me on the other hand was broken from life already and didn't know if with all the love I felt was doing the right thing. I loved him , but he could have someone without kids start his own family the way I dreamed of.. That was never an option for him,, He loved my boys like they were his, he told everyone they were has and still does to this day. It was so crazy one day it was me & boys the next we had this great man who made us a family of four.

Our love for each other was above everything I had ever seen before. It was honest & open he know all my fears,dreams,good,bad,, He loved me anyways..He never stop believing in me and my dreams to become a child psychologist. Everything was finally becoming all I dreamed it would! I had two great kids, a wonderful man who loved me like no other.. My life was complete so I thought :) In Feb of 2006 We found out I was pregnant with Evan.. We were so excited,, Eric wanted a girl because he had two boys, I wanted to see what it was going to be like to have some one beside me being pregnant.. It was a great time in life for all of us.. Evan was born Oct 2006 so beautiful and full of life from the word go. After years of asking we finally got married on Sept 22, 2007 I was so scared & happy that day. Eric & I had been together three years at this point and life was better than ever. The day I became his wife was amazing but, we had been a family for years before, this just made it real to the outside world.

The Beginning :)

So I was sitting here thinking how to start blogging without really going back so other's following understand a little about me and how I became the person that you read about now. So without going into a lot of detail to bore you here I go.. I didn't have the ideal child hood to say the least,, I was having panic attacks by the time I was six years old. At that time this family war started about who had been touching me. I blocked all that out until I was near 20 years old but my actions told the whole story. I'm not going into that a lot but to say that I can tell you I'm a savior in my own right.

From about 15 I wanted to become a mom.. I know without a doubt that was what god wanted from me and what I wanted for my self. Since my life as I stated before wasn't very good I had a full time living with my boyfriend at 16. He wasn't very nice to me nor did I have a clue what love was but, for me at that time my heart was taken over for him. As most first love comes to an end so did ours it was almost seven years off and on 1992-1997. After we broke up I was so broken in lost because up until than him and his family was all the love I had known as a young adult. My life was unfolding right in front of me in a couldn't make it stop! flashbacks, nightmares ect.. I started studing child abuse and blocked out memories that happens when abuse is to terrible to remember. that become years of healing to make me whole and to be honest it's work I still do everyday. That's the beginning but no way is it the end.

After I found out my first love was having a baby with my so called friend I went a little crazy lol.. I had my first one night stand so I thought.. Jeremiah asked me to marry him four weeks later so with all my knowledge of love (right) I said yes. So we got married in July 98 .. That was a complete wrong decision but, I was Young and stupid.. We got pregnant in Aug so guess what? we were over in Sept.. So there I'm pregnant with my first child all alone but, I was going to make it just the two of us. I was working & still studing child psychology and when Dallas was born I finally got to feel what real complete love was. As I look back on the day he was born it just makes me smile that was the first day of the rest of my life..

So we will fast forward a couple years later. I was working a lot raising Dallas and I thought we were doing pretty good. The one thing that was always in the back of my head was my son didn't have a father and that hurt me so much. Jeremiah never wanted anything to do with us and to this day never has. I had this friend who wanted me to meet this guy that was a friend of hers. Dave was older than me by ten years and at that time I thought was a good thing. Don't forget I wanted a father for Dallas so bad but, it had to be someone who really loved us. So long story short ,, started going out with Dave, didn't really fall in love with him but loved him. I fall in love with his family they were wonderful godly people and to this day my life is forever changed knowing them. Dave ended up being  the most crazy part of my life to date.. I found out he was taking my money spending it on drugs but, yet he would go to church with me twice a week.. He would stay out for days at a time. I didn't know what to do ,, I found out I was pregnant July 2001 and had Elijah Feb 2002. My life was a crazy storm and confusing. One hand I had this great family from him and on the other hand I was dealing with a man who had real issues. I left him in Nov 2002 got my own townhouse for me in the boys and prayed that god would forgive me. He had stole my money,dreams and life as I known it at this point. All I had wanted was a family with my kids all being from the same father and now I had two wonderful boys with two fathers who could care less about being there for them at all. When I finally decided that I was going to do this alone and that it didn't matter what other people think because god knows my heart and that's all that matter's in the end. I think between the two of them I got maybe ten child support checks over the last 12 years. My boys don't see either of them and it's been so long now, I don't think they remember much about them. I talk to them about it some times but they are used to our family now and the past is that the past. Just wanted to give you a break down of the first section of my life that gave me the strength to have everything I have now. Dallas was 4 and Elijah 16 month's when Eric walked into our life.

At the time I was to meet Eric ! to me my life was over at 28 I was done trying to make things work. I was a great mother but, felt like such a disappointment to them. The words damaged goods took on a whole new meaning for me. I lost my job due to Dave stealing the states check's that where in my back seat of my car in my case. Depression was over whelming and I didn't really know what or where I was going. All I new was that these two sweet wonderful little boys needed a mother. To say the least the thought of ever being in another relationship with anyone else was totally off the table. There was no way in my mind someone was going to love me or the boys the way I thought a father should love their children